The gay voice

I've been pondering on the gay voice a bit lately, mostly in conversation with my in-house social activist, Niamh. I was making the point that you can't tell someone's sexuality by just looking at them, or listening to them. But there is a style of behaviour that used to be called 'camp', associated with homosexual or bisexual males, and there's a certain style of speaking that goes with it. But that voice (the 'gay' voice), I've heard that voice from men that are in genuine heterosexual relationships (as far as I know, at least). And now this excellent article in Stuff: http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/life/10043967/Whats-wrong-with-sounding-gay explains it for me. It seems the voice is not an indicator of sexuality after all (hark back to my point above), but has been associated with 'gay-ness' (as outlined by the article, through history and then TV and film). But a study described in the article has found that a strong indicator for men with this voice is gender non-conformity in childhood (identifying with girls), but gender non-conformity WAS NOT AN INDICATOR OF HOMOSEXUALITY. Taken further, the study suggests that boys picked up female speech patterns in early life, and these, when imposed on a male voice, gave the 'gay voice'. I especially liked the article because it's dogged in using the term 'gay' voice, making the completely valid point that there's nothing wrong with being gay, so there should be nothing wrong with sounding gay.

Parents of teens - navigating a changing landscape

It occurred to me whilst sitting at the empty pool the other day, waiting for my partner to get out of the change rooms, that parents of teenage offspring have a tricky journey. I know, I'm stating the bleeding obvious, but why is it tricky? Yes, teenagers are aliens from outer space. Yes, they exhibit quite a few behaviours that are unacceptable to adults and inappropriate for children. Because they are neither - adults or children. And as their parent, I can't treat them completely as I would another adult, neither can I treat them as I used to when they were children. That's tricky. Somehow I need to be in a halfway house (much like them), giving them room to be themselves, but not so much that they hang themselves. I can't tell them how to live their lives any more, but sometimes I have to. I shouldn't be their friend, but neither can I be a smothering mother (or [something that rhymes with father]ing father). It's no wonder parents get confused. And offspring as well. [I'm deliberately using the word 'offspring' because I want to avoid 'children', because they're not children in the way that under-13s (or wherever the magical cut-off is) are children).] But I felt quite good as the pool staff clattered about locking up and casting glances my way, no doubt hoping my partner and I would be gone soon and they could go home too. Because I don't think there is a single answer for how best to navigate that transition period from childhood to adulthood. It is tricky, and it's perfectly valid for me to feel confused, and for my kids to feel confused. I decided flexibility was the answer - try things, assess how well they worked, adjust, try again. Over and over until they get it. And they start doing it for themselves (just like the sisters - standing on their own two feet, and ringing on their own bell). Get it on!

Thinking again, after all these years

Well, it's been a while. But I thought I might have time to do some thinking again. Not so much the thinking, as the writing down and sharing. The thinking still goes on, at odd times.